Illness

Okay...I give in...I'm Ill. I hate being Ill, and I’ve been Ill for three weeks now. I've even got proper tablets from the Doctors and everything. It's terrible. I was working in London this week, and I had one of the most horrific coughing fits, in the middle of a very posh office. I was meant to be acting and demonstrating how an adaptive child responds to a controlling parent, in Transactional analysis terms. I managed in the end, but goodness me it was embarrassing.

Today, I did the last stage school classes, and then this eve I was meant to be at the pub, but I rang in sick. It's the first time I have rung in sick for any paid work. I thought I never would, but I had to succumb. I have to be a bit careful with myself when I’m ill. Ever since the incident at Leeds train station in 2009. When I hadn't quite realised how ill I was I ended up fainting and vomiting on platform 13, all in a totally public space where I didn't know anybody, and nobody particularly wanted to help me. Understandable I suppose, but it still scared me a bit. You don't realise how important your health is, till it is impaired. I am very independent. But you can't be independent when that ill. I went to Leeds walk in centre after straight after the incident and fainted again in reception, they wanted to admit me, but I didn't want to stay, so I went home. Any who I didn't fancy a repeat of that this eve, so hence the night off.

meh, next week is a lighter week work wise anywhoo, so hopefully I’ll recover.

Here's to getting well soon...

Scapegoat

Something came out of the woodwork today that I had been suspecting for some time. 'The Scapegoat'...that's me. I am currently in a household somewhere, being blamed for a whole load of decisions that are not and were not mine. I hate this, because I believe so strongly in having a choice. In most situations in life there is choice. A path that you and you alone choose to walk down. Your decisions are yours. We are lucky enough to live in a country where we are not dictated too, where we are allowed to be whomever we want to be. Without being punished, or shouted down. Therefore, everything that you choose to do, of course has consequences but it is your choice. So if someone has chosen to do something it is totally and utterly their decision. NOT MINE. This situation has angered me, because unlike the afore mentioned households feelings, I too had the same suspicion, but unlike them I raised it with the person. On numerous occasions actually. Sometimes even in writing. So if I really wanted to I have proof of that, I am not the driving force behind this persons mind set. Also, I have never met this household, even though; the other person has met my household many a time. This I find rude. First of all they are being prejudiced, as I am an unknown to them. Secondly, they have left it way too late to be bringing up these issues, and thirdly DO NOT BLAME OUTSIDERS FOR YOUR OWN FAMILIES INSIDE PROBLEMS, this will never fix the problem and just conspire to make the issue even bigger.

Good bye.

and another piece of this pesky jigsaw

Just been told I can put down the deposit on the flat on MONDAY. YES. Hoorah...oo I do make life hard for myself...but every now and then it does seem bloody worth it....and my dad has paid the security deposit for me...what a chap! yes, yes, yes...Just felt the need to share...I can't do it on facebook yet...cos till it has all gone through properly, it feels a bit premature to celebrate especially on facebook. Anyway, I can say it here....la..la..la...la...

Tlaa

Found another piece to the add to the jigsaw

Soo this week has been an interesting little week. ( my weeks end mid-week due to my weird working hours). I have got some more corporate acting work, with the company that I worked with before. Which is good, I don't know exactly what they're paying yet, but it's always a lot better than what I get from other jobs. Also, it will give me something to do while I am in London. Which although we are still waiting for all the paperwork to go through is looking more and more as though it is actually going to happen.

I am really pleased for one of future housemates, she got on to her P.G.C.E course that she had applied for down in London, so that will give her something to do aswell. I still can't quite celebrate everything because, as per, it's all still up in the air, but hey ho. Nothing is ever that straight forward is it?

Onwards we go.

Good days...

I had a lovely audition today...really nice people who were organised and passionate about the work. And I wasn't totally terrible. Unfortuantley when it goes this well it usually means the answer will be "no thank you" but anyway, It's nice to be around actors and good work, even if it's only for a little bit of time.

The Flat shizzle is still at the getting references stage. We are currently getting guarantors organised. I don't know, It's been a very stressy time in deed, not to mention expensive. Bang goes the whole not being in my overdraft thing. Never mind, hopefully when this is all sorted I can begin to concentrate on getting a job that pays me something near to what would be comfortable to live on. Plus, I can get work that isn't sooo temporary and rubbish.

Trok lom

TenterHooks

Oh My God. I hate leaving things up to other people. They don't do things properly, take ages to get back to me....I just want a flat...I promise I'll pay the rent....Jesus Christ...just let me give you a deposit. ahhh. Sooo annoying. At the moment the estate agent has the Nazi of all referencing services getting information from my employers as to how much I earn. I'm like I can save you a job, I don't earn the amount you require so let me just get some guarantor forms so that we can get it all done and sort out a move in date. I can't so anything at the moment. there's no point in me sorting out any work down there till the flat is sorted, and I've already given notice to my jobs up here. what am I going to do if this doesn't work out. bloody hell.....I'm trying to keep calm...honestly...I just want it done and sorted. FFS.

And I can't concentrate on learning lines for the audition I am meant to be doing on sat. blah...I need a holiday from my own head...

Yours truly...

How many chickens then?

Well, it has been a very busy, stressy, exciting time. We found a flat, it's incredible, if I could have imagined the perfect flat this would be it. It's modern, not too big or small, nice bathroom, really nice kitchen. And the location is immense, it's on a retail park, there's a cinema, bowling alley, loads of restaurants, shops, Big supermarkets and the piece de resistance it's got a Costa right across from my apartment. oo and it's a four minute walk to the station, and we are about 20 mins away from the centre of London. I'm soo excited. We just have to get all the paperwork done and it's ours. I can't really relax about it though till it's all gone through and the keys are in my hand. I suppose it's a waiting game now though.

In acting news, I have an audition on sat, which I must start preparing for. Also my friend from drama school, who has an agent, contacted me to let me know they have an opening in their books for my casting. I haven't yet replied though, I've been far too distracted.

Oh god please let this all work out!!

And er...never mind about the chickens...

"It'll all be alright in the end...and if it's not...well then it's not yet the end"

"It'll all be alright in the end...and if it's not...well then it's not yet the end" ( The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel).
Isn't that a brilliant statement?
I've had one of those weeks this week. You know the ones where reality comes crashing in and makes the dream look all weak and tired. Me and the two people that I am moving to London with, have started trying to arrange viewings on flats in London, this has not been easy. We managed to book six viewings and out of those six, two have already cancelled. So we are down to four...grr...topped of with the fact that none of the flats are really in the right area, and actually don't look that great, has been conspiring to thoroughly wind me up. Anyway deep breaths. Next week will be the biggest test as this is when we actually go down to London, with the aim to find a flat. Wish us luck.

Anywhoo, I went to see 'The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel' last night with my mum, it was nice. Dev Patel owns a hotel that he advertises to the "Elderly & Beautiful". I think that's great. I've always had quite an odd fascination with age. Ever since being really young I could imagine myself as an older even elderly person. My favourite actors and actresses are always older people, mainly in the over 60's section. One of my guilty pleasures is going to the cinema on my own, especially if I have a day off mid week, and seeing something that is targeted at an older generation, and I'm very often the only twenty something in the entire cinema. It's kind of my thing, one of my secret things.  Anyway, getting back to the film, I loved it's sentiment. Life often feels as though, it has an end point when in truth it doesn't, it carries on through the highs and lows, and you know what... it will all be alright in the end, the trick is knowing where the end is.

The end.