Today for the first time in a long time I cried in front of
people…work people to be exact. It was not good or pretty but it happened and
it happened for many reasons, the first reason was that another colleague was
being very petty and underhand, which resulted in the manager having a ‘word’
with me. And that word was not to help him in his section as, and this was the
underlying message, he was worried he wouldn’t get the tip from the table. not
that the manager said that to me, but that was the problem. Rather upsetting as
I was just trying to help…not that I will do that again. The other reason, I had
just come straight from another job so I hadn’t really eaten properly this is
never good for me. Another thing, I was feeling lady emotional…if you get my
meaning. Also, I have been feeling a bit rubbish about not being able to do
much acting and instead doing jobs that I didn’t want to do that are really
high pressured in really stupid ways. I don’t like things that are all about
how many sales you get, it’s cold and soulless. I also don’t like the people
who do these jobs and get a kick out of it…as quite frankly they are soulless,
and that I don’t want to surround myself with them. I like creativity and
teamwork, not people that blindly follow rules and who are quite frankly out
for themselves.
I didn’t want to cry…not at work…in front of those people. I
was sent home early because of it; I have hardly done any hours now because of
that. I feel so frustrated, and I have no idea how to fix it. To add insult to
industry I keep getting offered acting work up north. This is good I know, but
it’s not particularly helpful when I am in the south.
Hmm, I’ll work something out…I nearly always do…I just wish I
wasn’t in so much of an emotional state. I Hate getting like this, I am still
water I run deep, but with deep water comes a mass of problems if a storm
arrives…you know?
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