We walk...

So I'm back in England, it is cold and I am struggling to get back into the swing of British living. I have a lot to sort out work wise this week, which I'm not looking forward to. i don't often get the post holiday blues, but this year i definitely have. the hot weather, the clear sea, and the easy lifestyle is all far, far away now...I want to go back....

While on holiday we walked round a cave that have a river running through it and that linked to the sea, and it was the first time that i felt content in a long time, i had missed that feeling. I don't really enjoy not knowing what is coming next, but in that moment i could just be.

on a separate note, last night me and my family watched the opening ceremony of the Olympics. It was amazing i felt almost emotionally patriotic, and i was so glad that they had a northerner directing it, you need a bit of northern humour in situations like that.

Life's a fillet of fish

Right well, it's been another weird week. I haven't had any acting things...I don't think..but I have got a few auditions coming up, so that's good. I've had a couple of interviews for more temp type work. One in a nursery and one for an events company. I'm still desperately trying to avoid the call centre...which apparently means I'll do anything, including working in a nursery...

Emotionally it's been a better week also. I haven't cried, which is a PLUS, and I've had productive things to do, like a couple of drama workshops and things that should lead on to other work...also, I have signed up at the doctors hazaa, so now if anything goes wrong with me, I can just pop along to the doctors and get them to sort it out.

I go on holiday next week...YES...I actually can't wait, I am determined to enjoy this holiday, it might be the last one I get for a while, so it must go well...

Money is yet again an issue, what with the not having any work problemo. But I'm trying not to let it get to me....I'm just being froogle... again.

I think this is all from me....

I might add a song to make this blog a bit more interesting, hmm....oh I've got one...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ZeUkhiUbR8

enjoy!!!

Still crying in restaurants

I have for a very long time had the issue of crying in public. Yesterday carried on this trend. I have spoken before about not being able to hide feelings that are so big and real. However, yesterdays tears formed from a very different place, I was acting, in a film, and yesterdays scene was being attacked by a much older man. Now I hadn't really thought of myself as much of a method actor before yesterday, but after filming that scene all day it had really affected me. Of course I knew that it wasn't real but what was happening was my body was reacting to the physicality of the scene, to the point where I could only film the actual attack twice, as I just couldn't cope with any more times. I have never felt that vulnerable or out of control before and it was awful. Thank the lord it's never happened to me in real life I'm not sure I would ever cope with that. 

But to get back to the restaurant situation my flatmates tried to take me out for a meal to cheer me up. It didn't work and I had to leave quickly and in tears. Plus the doorman was particularly lewd on the way in which obviously didn't help the situation.

Plus, I'm coming down with a cold....

I'm being a bitch

I am so wound up at the moment. I don't like being around the same people day in day out, I can't stand it. It's driving me insane. And therefore I am being a bitch. I'm speaking out of turn, saying things I don't mean and feeling totally as though I am about to bite someones head off at any moment.
I need my flatmates to get out of my hair, get out of the way. I am finding it increasingly difficult not to loose my temper. And I will loose my temper if they don't get themselves sorted soon.
The other problem is that they don't know anybody here, and when I offer to introduce them to new people they decline. I can't stand it...
I need time away...thank god I've got a holiday booked.