Contentment

I am warm, healthy, driven, loved, lucky, forceful, interesting, imaginative, educated, kind, humorous and accomplished...

sometimes when things are fine, I don't feel the need to take note, to blog, to talk to anyone, even to go out. Contentment allows me to just be...is this okay? I think it is. I've been thinking something lately, if I had everything I want would I be happy. I visualised the moment. Having it, it all. and you know what? It terrified me. What would I live for. If I had everything I wanted, what else would there be to want? And then I realised I am at my most happy when I am in pursuit of something, anything. It can be something small...the perfect top to something big, a meaningful life. But in truth I like having things to achieve. And therefore right now I am okay, I am content, I hate to say I'm Happy in case karma comes and bites me in the ass. But I am I'M HAPPY so there. Now do your worst Karma.

And I really must frame my certificates and diplomas and degree and every other achievement I have hiding in a box somewhere, as I forget what I have already achieved so easily. I want the achievements to be around me when the struggles and bad days happen, as a reminder of what is and has been achieved.

Ade.

The end somewhere outside of Brimham Rocks.

Yesterday I nearly died...I'm being dramatic, but still. I was driving to Crakehall from The pub that I work at, and the sat nav took me via Brimham Rocks where it was very snowy and my car swerved all the way to the right and then all the way to the left, with the choice between either hitting a wall or going over a drop. Luckily I managed to regain control of the steering, but still for a good few seconds I honestly thought I was going to crash the car.
I started my blog like this because for the last week, and a bit, I have been very busy driving from one type of work to another, with hardly a moments rest. Therefore nearly killing myself in that sense too. I enjoyed last week it was hard but made me feel as though I was getting somewhere with the acting thing. I actually got an agency to come and see some of my work in Manchester. They didn't sign me, but to be honest I wasn't expecting them to. They're looking for black men (like most of the agencies) but still they were a good agency... and they came to see me. Hoorah. They know I exist, and that can only be a hop, skip and a jump away from getting another good agency to come and see my work and actually sign me. And if I'm being completely honest I want a London based agent, as I will be moving to London next year. So thank you Manchester for giving me a bit of a lift, but it would have been awkward to sign up here anyway.

I'm taking a break from auditioning this month, I need to save my pennies for Christmas now. and I also need to rest my acting brain. I need money...still. And as most of the work I get is unpaid, I need both the financial support behind me and the drive to go out and do high standard work for free. The last showcase I did in Manchester knackered me out a bit really.

This week I started to get in to my 'let's get organised mood' which usually starts with tidying and clearing my room. I feel I need a day that is just dedicated to tidying/organising my room and life. I want to file things properly, sort out all my receipts for future tax returns. And decide upon a few details about the London move. A much needed day off is required for all this...hmm, for now, back to work.

Hawijo

Brighton Rock

This weekend I met up with my friends from Uni in Brighton. It was wicked, so nice to see everyone again. I  was so surprised by how much people hadn't changed. In fact I was rather proud of myself really, in the sense that I had made such a nice group of friends. Just people who are really easy to be around. The type where you don't have to think about what you are going to say you can just be. It was very nice.

Infact I have collected some very nice people in my lifetime. I am quite a good judge of character (that's not me blowing my own trumpet, it's just a fact). I have a sense for people, and if I sense that you're not my kind of person, I just can't be myself. But that's not a problem because the people that I can be myself around are awesome, I just wished I lived a bit nearer to them all. But that's life I suppose.

I was in Leeds and Manchester yesterday for two rehearsals. One for a showcase in Manchester which is on Thursday and the other for a short Film that I, that starts filming early next year. It was a really good day actually, it made me feel like a proper Actor, instead of a waitress or a workshop leader. Actually the last few days have been really good for me in reminding me of the person that I am. I hate to have to define myself by a job, but acting is one of the only things that I can sonsistently do well. Other things I lose interest in or get bored with, but acting I get and love to put the work in for and I actually get a lot out of it. It's like my own little bit of thearpy. And my friends are just great, so hooray for the last few days.

Also, I have a couple of days off now, which is rare, but also really needed. It's nice to have time to recharge my batteries a bit, especially before a performance.

So things have been good with me the last few days....and i'm still working out the workshop thing. I think I will put up with it till I move back to london and then have a bit of a rethink. But that's far to depressing to think about while I am in such a good mood.

Khush

The Cracks

I'm not sure I like working with children. There I've said it or typed it which is almost the same. I'm doing these performing Arts workshops in Primary Schools. But to be honest I'm not enjoying it and it's becoming a bit of a ball ache. All of this is very annoying because if I rule out working with children I am really limiting  options when it comes to making a career out of drama. But hey, I don't like it and maybe therefore I should just accept that and find something else to make me a bit of extra money...hmm...this needs a bit of thought me thinks.

On the up side the showcase I am doing in Manchester is going well, and I even have some agents coming to see it, so you never know...

And this weekend I am going to Brighton which I am really looking forward to. The train ride will give me time to think as well. Right best get on with packing.

 Ayoo

Caravan of Love

I have just finished watching a behind the scenes programme about the making of 'The Royle Family'. And it has reminded me of the type of actor that I would like to be. People often ask me what my goal is with the whole acting malarkey, and I always say something rather general like I'd just like to do good work. But if I had a real goal it would be to be in something like the 'The Royle Family'. That is what I want to do.

 I need to start formulating a plan for getting good work, and being in work that inspires me. I'm starting to get doubts about the whole thing, and less than a year out of drama school that is not very good. My car broke down this week which left me unable to get to one of my jobs, and apart from that being very annoying it also meant that I lost out on the money...eek. Not exactly good when you are as broke as I am. And this lead me to thinking about what I would do in the future if something happened that left me unable to work. Say I got ill, or I just couldn't travel or anything really...what is my fall back position? I have no real job security, the work I do at the moment is all dependant on me actually working those hours in order to get paid. It scared me. So I need a plan. And a good one.

I would really like to set up my own theatre company, maybe write, but mostly do really good work, with really good people. I don't want to compromise my dreams so early, but I'm starting to fear the uncertainty.

I hate that everything comes down to money. And I hate to keep going on about it. But it seems to me that you have to have money in order to make money, which is awkward to say the least.

Well anyway at least I have remembered the type of acting I like doing. Drama School as useful as it was, I feel kind of took me away from that, but I think I will make a start on creating my own work, at least it will give me a focus, and mean that I don't have to rely on other peoples work to give me what I am craving.

Thanks Craig Cash and Caroline Aherne.

See you later Alligator.

Up, up,up

I know it's only Tuesday but I feel like I have had a really good week. Well to be honest I don't really have normal weeks. I can't actually remember the last time I had a full day off. I suppose it's because the type of work that I do revolves around entertaining people in some shape and form. and therfore the time most people have off I am working and the time that most people have off I am working. I don't really mind that, but it does mean that the life I lead is a bit opposite to everybody else. meh oh well.

Work wise this week has been particularly good. I was conatacted by an agent,I have a really good showcase coming up in Manchester (which i have invited lots of industry people too). I got a part in a short film, which is excellent becasue it means that I can start putting footage together for a showreel. Oo and I have an audition tomorrow for a panto in manchester. So things are quite nice at the mo...

Also, and whisper it quietly, I have found a rather promising speed dating night in leeds. Me and my friend are going to go. It's the first one I found that is for the age group 21-29. Most of them are for 30 -50 or worse 20-40. I don't particularly want to go to yet another place that is full of over excited forty year old divorced men. I could go to any pub/bar/club if i wanted that!

Yes so things are nice today.

Oo and I have a new favourite song. It's sung by Slow Moving Millie and is a cover of The Smiths 'let me get what I want'. It's lovely:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8j4hg9VrYX4

Taa rah.

To sign or not to sign?

A very pressing question at this precise moment. I have been approached by an agent well more accurately I sent a letter to many agents when I was in Macbeth, and none of them showed the slightest bit of interest. However, one of the members of the cast knows this agent and when they were in his office the other day saw my C.V. on the side and mentioned that he knew me and arranged a meeting for Friday (which I can't do as it clashes with an audition). Now this is good, it is positive...I know. BUT, the agency is based in Bolton and as I randomly clicked on the some of their clients they had either not worked at all this year, or had done very small insignificant jobs. Now I know that I won't get a great agent straight away but one based in London or Manchester would be good. Plus I need to know that they have good contacts, I need to know that the work I'll be put forward for is much better quality than I could ever get for myself. And most importantly my gut instinct is not good.......BUT, will this be the only agent that approaches me...ever? Am I cutting off my Nose despite my face? Will I regret this in the future? should I just meet him anyway?....I need to have a proper think.

Anywho that is where I am with my career at the mo. I can't remember if I mentioned it on here but I have a showcase coming up in Manchester, which merges new writers and new actors, and my script is cool, so that might bring something good.

In other news I finally tracked down a coat that I have wanted ever since the River Island splurge day. It was in another shop but wasn't in my size, I kept checking online, I even had my Mum checking other stores in Selby. Anyway this story ends with me going into Northallerton and asking there, at which point the woman rang Harrogate and they had the coat in my size. And would hold it till the end of the day. Brilliant I thought. so I went and taught my lesson in a school. Came out and at this point it was 4.25 I was pretty sure that the shop closed at 5:30. So I tapped into my sat nav Harrogate and then discovered it was 40 miles away. So I drove like a mad woman and finally arrived in Harrogate at 5:20. I then parked and ran (actually ran) through Victoria Car park, through the hall thing that passes over the train line through TK Max and down two escalators. The Escalators down to the shop I was going in had already stopped and when I got in the woman said they were shut, and i was like" no I have a coat saved". Anywho she let me buy it with the only till that was still open, and I left feeling slightly daft but mostly quite smug. And when I got it home and tried it on, I discovered it was missing a button! Gah! I think I can fix it though. Pff.

Well I should now get ready for work now.

Au revoir.