Romaversary

Sooooo here I am a year on. Still alive, still penniless, still single...so what have I learnt over the last year here in Romford....well...

1) Getting a temporary flexible job is not easy.In the last year I have worked in:
A call centre,
Zizzi's,
A Vauxhall garage,
Scania office,
Regus Reception,
Fox Reception,
Hearing specialist reception,
Drama workshops in schools,
Nurseries.

Most of these experiences have been alright and in some instances even interesting, there was one horrendous experience and that was at Zizzi's. The manager was insane and I got fired for quote 'Not being the Zizzi style' I have never been more pleased to get fired from anywhere in my entire life.

2) I will never have any money...I chose to be an actor what do I expect?

3) I like the flat we chose, it's not perfect but it's fine...and that counts for a lot. It's in a good location, the rent is manageable...most of the time...and it's been a place of solace when most needed.

4) I know some amazing people, who always make the agony of being an actor worthwhile they are troupers and make me feel like London is my home.

5) I LOVE LONDON it is a constant surprise, I love being able to go somewhere different every time I go out, and find places that as soon as I walk in to them I feel like a little piece of me has been here all along.

6) Acting is CONSTANTLY hard, but also CONSTANTLY rewarding, I feel the most me when I get to do it, and that's why I persevere.

7) Dating is a long and winding road. I'm sure at some point I will meet somebody who I get the 'YES YOU' feeling for, but for now I am still waiting...ugh.

8) I must always trust my gut instincts...they are really good, and know me, more than even I do sometimes.

9) I must eat properly, I get Ill when I don't.

10) Being Ill is AWFUL...

11) I have time to do the things I want to in life...but that doesn't mean I should procrastinate...I am young, but I will get OLD and procrastination IS the thief of time.

12) Other people's success's do not mean that I will not be successful. Be happy for people and do not judge yourself by their standards, we have our own little path, we must follow that.

13)The more you put in the more you get out.

14) Relationships alter with time, sometimes your friends, sometimes your not, we all need space, and a place to breath, it is essential you let yourself and others do this.

15) My family are but a train ride away and once a month that train ride is made, and it makes me stronger, thank goodness for their support.

16) I have vision and talent, but I must also put in the effort to make it work, no one can pop in my head and so this for me.

17) Nothing lasts forever.

18) Always own a pet, they if nothing else give you purpose...thanks Bubble.

19) Work hard, but also take breaks...you deserve it.

20) Allow yourself to feel....feel happy, feel sad, feel scared, feel appreciated, feel alive...

AND NEVER EVER STOP BELIEVING.

Here's to another year...

standing still on the left side of the escalator

When I'm not in London and I like to stand still on the left side of the escalator, partly cos it makes me feel rebellious but also because in London I am busy, I work 12 hour days, my weekends are full of applying for acting work, doing comedy stuff, catching up with friends, cleaning up and managing my accounts. This week I was back in London on Monday after an Easter break up north, and that night I went to see Helen Mirren in 'The Audience' soooo good, I have been a huge Mirren fan since my early teens, so I bought myself a ticket to see her live as a treat to myself. On Thursday I went up to Lincoln for an audition, for an open air summer tour, and once I had finished that, I had a few hours in Lincoln to kill before my train back to London. I love London, I do, but it is so fast paced and as I have joined that pace I sometimes forget just to browse. Not just browse shops but browse life, watch people, saunter around shops, listen to accents, to feel life. It has nearly been a year since I moved down here, and there will be a full blog to review that year, But the last year has been somewhat hectic, and sometimes it's nice to stop and just remind myself who I am, how I got here, and what that means.

Cosmos

I hate it when things that feel so very right turn out to be quite wrong and underwhelming. There are some things that we want so badly the fabrication of a reality becomes more real than the actual thing. There are some things that no matter how much we study, how much we think we know, how much effort we put in, or how much money we pay, they are simply in the lap of the gods. They are a feeling shared and that can not be created, it is already in exisistence in the cosmos. You can only believe that it will come...and god i hope it comes.

And on

Hellooo,

There seems to be a lot of illness around at the moment. I myself have been rather Ill for the last two and a half weeks. I'm on anti-biotics now, so hopefully they should help me kick the bug, but it's been quite bad. I took two days off work this week and of the other three days that i was in, on two of those days i got sent home early, meh, never mind. Hopefully i will get better soon and my energy will return.

In other news my Dad has booked a holiday for June. Two weeks in Menorca (Hallelujah) so that is something to look forward too. Also the summer acting jobs have started appearing so hopefully that will lead to something good.

xxx

Fucking life fail

Well, I have not had an audition for over two weeks, and even that audition was for a job doing Kids parties so i don't exactly think that counts. It's beginning to make me quite angry, especially as in the meantime I have found myself working in a nursery which is beginning to feel like a massive waste of time. NEED ACTING WORK. and failing that something that is vaguely related to acting and pays well. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit...eegh...

In other news I am a hundred pounds overdrawn on my bank account, which means I am probably facing a massive bank charge, but I'm too scared to look at what the actual damage is, so I'm being a bit of an ostrich till i next get paid with that one.

I'm still single, although i have a couple of options on the horizon, which is new for me. Although not enough to get very excited.

Writing sketches is not going well, as i have no idea how to actually go about writing...i have tried just writing but it's not coming out right...although writing is rewriting (apparently) so maybe this will come with time.

And now it is half ten, so i should go to sleep, so that i can get up at 6 to go and do something that i don't want to do all day, in order to make not quite enough  money to live on. Go me. Fucking life fail.

Life is a marathon not a sprint

Sunday, whoop. And my only day for a lay in. Yesterday I had an audition for providing children's parties and preschool classes in drama. All good fun, and would be a little extra cash. But it meant me missing my Saturday lay in. I have no money again, as I work on 0% contract I only get paid for the hours that i do, and unfortunately a couple of weeks ago I was very Ill and had to miss 2 1/2 days of work. Such is life, so I missed out on the pay, so have gone over my overdraft once again, which means I will probably get a whopping bank charge which I won't be able to pay, and will have to revert to the bank of mum and dad. Sigh. 

Apart from the money thing. I am actually feeling incredibly positive. I seem to be in control of my life in a way that i really wasn't last year. I have a fairly (touch wood) stable day job, which although doesn't pay great, does pay some, so i can just about keep my head above water most weeks. I am starting to create my own work, with a really good friend from drama school. I am applying for more corporate acting work with other companies. And I am applying for acting work, as well  Also I am going out more, seeing people, enjoying London. We are about to renew the contract on our flat down here, and i couldn't be happier about that. I feel like that is an achievement in itself, all three of us managed to survive a whole year down here relatively unscathed. It was a stressful year, and not exactly an easy ride, but hey we made it. I think we'll have a proper celebration when it is actually the date we moved in, but for now, getting the new contracts through felt like a real achievement.

positivity

I am having one of the most lovely weekends that I have had in a long
Time. I am currently sat in the hairdressers which always puts me in a
Good mood. But also have seen lots of friends this weekend, with still
A few more to visit. I went to the southbank centre to do some comedy
Writing with  friend a and what a vibrant place that is. It totally tickled my fancy
. It's just so nice to be round creative minds, and to remember what my
Creative mind consists of. I can be a bit strange, I know that, but I always
Feel so much better when I can show people what's going on in my head
Through performance. It's actually quite life affirming to me.
I have also just got over....

N.B. I actually wrote this post a week ago, on my blackberry, but it stopped working mid sentence  so I have no idea what the rest of this post was going to be...but i thought i'd share the thoughts anywhay.