Cosmos

I hate it when things that feel so very right turn out to be quite wrong and underwhelming. There are some things that we want so badly the fabrication of a reality becomes more real than the actual thing. There are some things that no matter how much we study, how much we think we know, how much effort we put in, or how much money we pay, they are simply in the lap of the gods. They are a feeling shared and that can not be created, it is already in exisistence in the cosmos. You can only believe that it will come...and god i hope it comes.

And on

Hellooo,

There seems to be a lot of illness around at the moment. I myself have been rather Ill for the last two and a half weeks. I'm on anti-biotics now, so hopefully they should help me kick the bug, but it's been quite bad. I took two days off work this week and of the other three days that i was in, on two of those days i got sent home early, meh, never mind. Hopefully i will get better soon and my energy will return.

In other news my Dad has booked a holiday for June. Two weeks in Menorca (Hallelujah) so that is something to look forward too. Also the summer acting jobs have started appearing so hopefully that will lead to something good.

xxx

Fucking life fail

Well, I have not had an audition for over two weeks, and even that audition was for a job doing Kids parties so i don't exactly think that counts. It's beginning to make me quite angry, especially as in the meantime I have found myself working in a nursery which is beginning to feel like a massive waste of time. NEED ACTING WORK. and failing that something that is vaguely related to acting and pays well. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit...eegh...

In other news I am a hundred pounds overdrawn on my bank account, which means I am probably facing a massive bank charge, but I'm too scared to look at what the actual damage is, so I'm being a bit of an ostrich till i next get paid with that one.

I'm still single, although i have a couple of options on the horizon, which is new for me. Although not enough to get very excited.

Writing sketches is not going well, as i have no idea how to actually go about writing...i have tried just writing but it's not coming out right...although writing is rewriting (apparently) so maybe this will come with time.

And now it is half ten, so i should go to sleep, so that i can get up at 6 to go and do something that i don't want to do all day, in order to make not quite enough  money to live on. Go me. Fucking life fail.

Life is a marathon not a sprint

Sunday, whoop. And my only day for a lay in. Yesterday I had an audition for providing children's parties and preschool classes in drama. All good fun, and would be a little extra cash. But it meant me missing my Saturday lay in. I have no money again, as I work on 0% contract I only get paid for the hours that i do, and unfortunately a couple of weeks ago I was very Ill and had to miss 2 1/2 days of work. Such is life, so I missed out on the pay, so have gone over my overdraft once again, which means I will probably get a whopping bank charge which I won't be able to pay, and will have to revert to the bank of mum and dad. Sigh. 

Apart from the money thing. I am actually feeling incredibly positive. I seem to be in control of my life in a way that i really wasn't last year. I have a fairly (touch wood) stable day job, which although doesn't pay great, does pay some, so i can just about keep my head above water most weeks. I am starting to create my own work, with a really good friend from drama school. I am applying for more corporate acting work with other companies. And I am applying for acting work, as well  Also I am going out more, seeing people, enjoying London. We are about to renew the contract on our flat down here, and i couldn't be happier about that. I feel like that is an achievement in itself, all three of us managed to survive a whole year down here relatively unscathed. It was a stressful year, and not exactly an easy ride, but hey we made it. I think we'll have a proper celebration when it is actually the date we moved in, but for now, getting the new contracts through felt like a real achievement.

positivity

I am having one of the most lovely weekends that I have had in a long
Time. I am currently sat in the hairdressers which always puts me in a
Good mood. But also have seen lots of friends this weekend, with still
A few more to visit. I went to the southbank centre to do some comedy
Writing with  friend a and what a vibrant place that is. It totally tickled my fancy
. It's just so nice to be round creative minds, and to remember what my
Creative mind consists of. I can be a bit strange, I know that, but I always
Feel so much better when I can show people what's going on in my head
Through performance. It's actually quite life affirming to me.
I have also just got over....

N.B. I actually wrote this post a week ago, on my blackberry, but it stopped working mid sentence  so I have no idea what the rest of this post was going to be...but i thought i'd share the thoughts anywhay.

blogging on the train

well hello blog fans I am writing this on the train back up to Yorkshire, who'd have funk it! Technology ey?

Well I thought it was about time for an update, so I think I left you last feeling a bit down about coming back to London, well the following week I came down with a very odd illness, which seemed to involve being very tired and getting a slight chest infection. luckily my immune system kicked it, and now I'm back to my usual non cryie self. phew.

This month I have been applying like crazy for any and all acting jobs. I have had four auditions mainly for paid work, all very different jobs one was a Chekhov Play, one a TIE tour one was an adult panto, and another for a new children's TV prog. All very interesting and good to get back into the auditioning habit. I had become a bit lazy at the end of the last year. Anywhoo, it's a new year and with a renewed sense of purpose for me.

Also, and I am quite excited about this. Me and my lovely Friend Eleanor (from DSL) have met up and we are going to start writing some comedy things and perform them at comedy nights. eee, feels so good to be in control of something creative again.

And I have some corporate acting lined up for Feb. So feel 2013 is going well so far, just hope it stays that way.

Toodle pip.

Treacheries of being alone

I am what may be aptly described as a solitary person; however I want certain things in my life...a partner, being the main one at the moment. And at a risk of sounding desperate I am beginning to succumb to certain treacheries of being alone/single for too long. I cannot be too candid about this as I am fearful of being lynched, but I think I am on the brink of doing something quite bad...emotionally bad I mean. Hmm, this is rather hard to blog about; I am not a person who condones extra relationship affairs. In fact I think if people cheat, it is because they are not happy in the relationship that they are in. I'm not trying to excuse cheating, just understand. Also I am not easily won over or taken in by people...but I am alone and therefore have little to lose, or maybe I have a lot to lose...one things for sure it's very bad karma...I think I need some acting work to distract me.