For the departed

I have just finished watching a clip of my beautiful friend on BBC News talking about the loss of her Mum, and the work that her mum had done in her lifetime and an autobiography that is coming out about her life. And it got me thinking about death and loss (a cheery subject, I know). This above all things is my greatest fear. I have had the misfortune of knowing a lot of people in my life who have died. A large number being the same age as me at the time that they died. From being seven years old every two to three years I will lose someone, and I think it has affected me quite strongly. I am overly aware of both my own and other peoples mortality. I often find it difficult to tell people how much I care about them, but then I think the people who you care about the most, you don't have to tell, as it's already known. Speaking those feelings seems in some way to diminish the feeling itself, as language (as beautiful as it is) could never convey the actual emotion. I once saw a film, and I helpfully can neither remember the name of the film or who was in it, but there was an old lady in it explaining to child who had just asked "why do people have to die?" and the old Lady explained "that everyone has to die, otherwise how would you know that you loved them?". An interesting concept, I often rather morbidly think of the people that I love the most dying, what would I do without them? That's how I know if I really love someone, because I think about the loss of them. Life is big and small in equal measure it is hugely profound to give life, to live life and be a living thing, but life itself is made up of tiny moments, mundanities and chores. No wonder we get so confused by it all. Anyway I commend all the people who have lost special people to them, it's hard and we are all brave for carrying on, here's to people who are no longer with us...gone but not forgotten! xxx