Chirpy Chirpry Cheep Cheep

The title of this post is from a song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n4pX-IagjKw

Sometimes it's nice just to be silly. I think in hindsight that is what Christmas is about. I mean, I know technically we're celebrating the birth of  'The baby Jesus'. But if you're not very religious you can get quite carried away with the whole buying presents thing..or eating thing..or drinking thing...but really isn't it just a big expensive, over hyped excuse to spend time with the people you love...your family I think they're called. I've seen most of my extended family now, and in all honesty that has been the best bit of the whole festive season. My family have had quite a tough time over the last couple of years, and it's amazing how long it takes people to get over things where in which the actual event lasted only seconds. It was the first time I saw everybody and thought that they were okay. Okay seems like an insignificant word to describe what I mean, but it takes a lot for people to just be okay at times. Anywhoo. Horah for people coming out of the other side. So lets just enjoy the company and dance to a silly song.

Da boch.

Merry Christmas everyone.

Ooo I finally feel in the  festive mood. hurrah. This morning I didn't even mind listening to all the Christmas songs that the music channels play constantly. I love Christmas. I always have. Which is good  I suppose because I think you're meant to. There is no other time of the year that even comes close. I love that all the family comes round. I love the food. I love the wine.....and I love the presents. hehe. Yay, IT'S CHRISTMAS.

Yesterday I went to the hairdressers and had my hair done. Which is a huge treat for me, because I can't really afford it. So that was nice. Plus the hairdresser was talking about getting her turkey out of the freezer, which isn't the most glamorous part of Christmas, but I quite like the thought of that anyway. I like what I call 'grown up' details about life. I was thinking, when I was driving back from the hairdressers, when will be the first time that I cook a Christmas dinner. Not that I want to take that job away from my mum as she is very good at it. But I like imagining things like that. And when I got home I watched a Christmas cookery  programme with my mum and that made me feel all festive as well.

Today I am going to clean my bedroom and bathroom, wash what ever I have left to wash of my clothes and make sure I have something nice to wear on Christmas day,  and then I will be all prepared. I am working Christmas eve, so I just have to get through that shift and then that is, it will be CHRISTMAS. yay.

Merry Christmas everyone.

To my Little Donkey

Christmas is getting closer. eee, I'm looking forward to it. This year is strange though. It's the first year without Zebedee. (Zebedee being our family dog). He died on the 27th December last year, and he loved Christmas. It's funny how a dog can become such a big part of a family.  But they really do. Zebedee was such a gentle thing, very loving and a real character. He has been sadly missed this year. We got a new dog in February, she's a Yorkshire Terrier called 'Roxy', and is very different to Zebbie. she has gone someway to replacing that void. But you never can really replace anything living. Because whether they are animal, human, plant. we are all very different and unique. But 'Roxy is lovely and very cute, she's also really puppyish and Zebedee never really was so that's interesting.

Anyway I think I will raise a special toast to Zebedee this Christmas, gone but most certainly not forgotten.

Chuu

Impatience is a virtue?

My mind has flown away leaving my body on earth. Again. I can't relax I'm edgy, bored and snappy. My mind is so far removed from reality. I need to get away, and play a few things out in actual reality. I hate waiting, I want to do it all NOW. However at least impatience allows me to know what I want. What I really want.

 I can't stand people asking me about what I'm doing at the moment. I want to say "just filling in time, till I can start my life properly". But I end up trying to make it sound worthwhile. Oh god I wish people would just go away. I hate it when I get like this. Restless. So annoying. Truth be known I need a break from myself. Weird for me to say that, especially as I am someone who needs so much personal space. But right now, I want to be with anyone but me. someone save me.

Pamun.

Contentment

I am warm, healthy, driven, loved, lucky, forceful, interesting, imaginative, educated, kind, humorous and accomplished...

sometimes when things are fine, I don't feel the need to take note, to blog, to talk to anyone, even to go out. Contentment allows me to just be...is this okay? I think it is. I've been thinking something lately, if I had everything I want would I be happy. I visualised the moment. Having it, it all. and you know what? It terrified me. What would I live for. If I had everything I wanted, what else would there be to want? And then I realised I am at my most happy when I am in pursuit of something, anything. It can be something small...the perfect top to something big, a meaningful life. But in truth I like having things to achieve. And therefore right now I am okay, I am content, I hate to say I'm Happy in case karma comes and bites me in the ass. But I am I'M HAPPY so there. Now do your worst Karma.

And I really must frame my certificates and diplomas and degree and every other achievement I have hiding in a box somewhere, as I forget what I have already achieved so easily. I want the achievements to be around me when the struggles and bad days happen, as a reminder of what is and has been achieved.

Ade.

The end somewhere outside of Brimham Rocks.

Yesterday I nearly died...I'm being dramatic, but still. I was driving to Crakehall from The pub that I work at, and the sat nav took me via Brimham Rocks where it was very snowy and my car swerved all the way to the right and then all the way to the left, with the choice between either hitting a wall or going over a drop. Luckily I managed to regain control of the steering, but still for a good few seconds I honestly thought I was going to crash the car.
I started my blog like this because for the last week, and a bit, I have been very busy driving from one type of work to another, with hardly a moments rest. Therefore nearly killing myself in that sense too. I enjoyed last week it was hard but made me feel as though I was getting somewhere with the acting thing. I actually got an agency to come and see some of my work in Manchester. They didn't sign me, but to be honest I wasn't expecting them to. They're looking for black men (like most of the agencies) but still they were a good agency... and they came to see me. Hoorah. They know I exist, and that can only be a hop, skip and a jump away from getting another good agency to come and see my work and actually sign me. And if I'm being completely honest I want a London based agent, as I will be moving to London next year. So thank you Manchester for giving me a bit of a lift, but it would have been awkward to sign up here anyway.

I'm taking a break from auditioning this month, I need to save my pennies for Christmas now. and I also need to rest my acting brain. I need money...still. And as most of the work I get is unpaid, I need both the financial support behind me and the drive to go out and do high standard work for free. The last showcase I did in Manchester knackered me out a bit really.

This week I started to get in to my 'let's get organised mood' which usually starts with tidying and clearing my room. I feel I need a day that is just dedicated to tidying/organising my room and life. I want to file things properly, sort out all my receipts for future tax returns. And decide upon a few details about the London move. A much needed day off is required for all this...hmm, for now, back to work.

Hawijo